So with our first pregnancy this is how us finding out we were pregnant went down:
Me: Has a very mild suspicion based off of one, or I guess two, rather *large* symptoms. But am on BC so highly suspicious I’m wrong plus I had no other symptoms. I also had a strong case of denial. Made no plans to get the test just decided one day, hey I should probably take one.
Me: The day I finally considered pregnancy as an option, I worked. After work I had to run to the store to pick up some stuff Chris needed for an early morning run he had the next day. One of the items was fatefully was Right. Next. To the pregnancy tests. Decision made it seems.
Me: Got home. Went to bathroom, took pregnancy test without telling Chris any of my suspicions.
Me: Comes out of bathroom crying with a pee-stick in my hand
Me: “We’re pregnant”. Breaks down crying because the timing was all “wrong”.
Him: Insert shocked and bewildered face. “It’s okay babe! We got this.” Then no lie he high-fives me.
Me: “Okay…but we’re not finding out the gender.”
Him: “Okay no problem”
10 minutes later he’s dead asleep. Really, you can’t make this stuff up.
So there was never a question of finding out the gender with our first pregnancy and I’ll tell you why.
My mom and my stepdad finally were having a kid. My mom had me and two sisters with my dad so we are a Gilmore Girl-Chick-Flick-Rolling-24/7 kind of house. So it’s a given despite our fun girl time we all really really really wanted a boy.
But much to my sisters and my chagrin, they decided not to find out the gender. For one, they were having this baby late in life after doctor’s told them it wasn’t possible. They thought finding out the gender and dealing with any gender”disappointment” after all they’d been through was insane and therefore decided to be grateful for their healthy baby.
We didn’t like that. My sisters and I coaxed and begged to find out, for the doctor to tell us, and completely questioned my mom’s sanity.
But the night my baby sister was born, my stepdad wheeled out this beautiful baby in the hospital bassinet in the waiting room we were in. We had no idea if the baby was a boy or a girl. We just knew this baby was beautiful and we were in love. Then he said, “girls, meet your baby sister” and we all just started bawling (luckily he’s become accustomed to the tears after all these years!). And I simply couldn’t imagine for one second being disappointed that this beautiful healthy little baby was a girl. We were enamored and completely in love. I think in that moment all three of us older girls changed our mind on how we would handle our own pregnancies.
Around 2 years later my mom surprisingly enough got pregnant again–and this time we all pushed for them not to find out again. This was 100% going to be the last pregnancy and we all enjoyed the surprise so much we wanted it again.
With my sister Mia, she was supposed to be a natural + epidural delivery, but complications led her to be a C-section. So with this last baby it was an automatic c.
It was pretty cool. The hospital wouldn’t let us in the room, but they kept the door open and all three of us could see into the room standing behind this red line. So we got to see the moment they pulled my brother out, and announced it’s a boy, and see my macho stepdad with tears down his face. And my mom got to hear us screaming and jumping for joy. Such an amazing moment!
My brother and sisters’ births were some of my favorite memories because of the suspense and pure joy around their births. And I couldn’t wait to make those memories of my own.
Being Pregnant With Colton
I feel like there’s a lot of this, sometime’s unspoken, built up pressure and desire to have a boy your first pregnancy. And I’m not just talking about your desire, but other people’s desire as well.
I myself am the oldest girl, so I know girls can be totally awesome and quite honestly did not care one way or the other. But I worried about the disappointment I would feel from others or possibly Chris (even though he swore he didn’t care at the time but I think he’s pretty thrilled now that we have our boy…then again our boy is pretty spectacular so maybe he’s just thrilled about our kid being who he is). The point is by not finding out, we didn’t have to experience any of this potential “disappointment” or justify our lack of disappointment. Only pure joy and excitement.
With Colton I had minimal symptoms. Mild nausea in the beginning mostly at night. I had no specific food aversions or cravings but definitely chose blander foods that first trimester. Only threw up a few times, once on a particularly unpleasant night where all I wanted was a bowl of chipotle rice. So you know I threw that up…and it went out my nose. Pretty much the most traumatizing moment ever. You’re welcome for sharing that TMI.
Anyhow, onto prettier things– my skin was glowing, my hair fantastic, weirdest food “craving” was preferring steak greatly to chicken, baby heartbeat high, carrying low, Chinese calendar saying girl…I was nice and conflicting but life was good.
We enjoyed not knowing the gender, especially at the baby shower because we weren’t 100% financially where we wanted to be before being pregnant. Very grateful for a fantastic MIL who supplied majority of the nursery. But at our baby shower, because no one knew the gender, we had so many actual “need” items checked off the list. From diapers, to gift cards, to wash clothes, bumbo, high chair, etc. It was great! I’ve been to baby showers where almost everyone gifts clothes. And I get it–baby clothes are freaking adorable. But babies grow so fast! The clothes were the bottom of my importance list based on our financial situation.
So yes we were so grateful that so many real needs were met! And I had white onesies and a few headbands in case it was a girl that I brought with me to the hospital for when the baby was born. I was set for Baby Haines #1 Gender Unknown! 🙂
Around the 32 week mark I went to see my doctor. The office I went to rotated every visit between 4 doctors and one of them promised to be there for your delivery. This dr hadn’t seen me in a while and walked in saying, “so this is a girl, right?” I felt pretty shell-shocked. The doctor swore he was just guessing and there was nothing in my charts about gender (the ultrasound is taken at a different place and if you don’t want to know the gender they don’t send it over to the doctor’s office specifically so these slip-ups don’t happen!).
Still I told Chris, the jig is up–we’re having a girl.
The day we got induced, the sweet hospital nurse walked up and said the exact. same. words. It was so freaky but she said, “so this is a girl, right?” We walked the hospital floor for an hour trying to get labor going and I kept telling Chris we’re having a girl, we waited this whole time and it’s ruined. Not that I didn’t want to have a girl! I just wanted my surprise to stay a surprise.
When I had him it was single handedly the best moment of my life.
I had the epidural so I had limited feeling. (Note on this: don’t push the button to give yourself more drugs after having the baby because you’re scared to feel. Nurses will scold you lol!) But really, I could feel enough.
I remember they told me they could see the babies head and I was like, HOLY MOLY THIS IS HAPPENING. I then immediately threw up from the adrenaline rush haha. And then brushed my teeth. And then I pushed.
I remember immediately after I started pushing, looking at Chris and saying, “oh my god I can feel the baby. I can feel my baby!” And then laughing while crying happy tears. I could feel enough that I was in touch with my labor, but not so much that I wasn’t enjoying every second of it. It took only two 10-counts of pushing, and he was out! It was an amazing feeling. My doctor pulled him out upside down and she held him high up in the air. During labor I was wearing my glasses and had them pushed up to my head and at some point they had slipped off. And I literally couldn’t see my baby.
So he’s out, his gender is clear to the doctor, Chris, and my mom. And everyone’s kind of quiet for a second in awe I suppose (and listening to him cry) and I’m like, “well?! What is it?” (while scrambling for my glasses) Another second of silence as everyone waited for someone else to pipe up. Finally my doctor said, “Congratulations you have a boy!”
And the laughing and crying combo began again. I was so shocked and overjoyed and he was healthy and so beautiful. Chris pushed his head against mine and said, “you did it baby you did it.”
There was a point right after having him that the nurse was cleaning him up, I sent Chris and my mom out to the waiting room to make the happy announcement. My doctor and I were kind of left in this silence after all the noise in the room. My doctor was still busy delivering the afterbirth and I just looked at her and she looked back at me and she had tears just streaming down her face with this small smile. Because her hands were…busy she couldn’t wipe the tears away and we just had this moment. We hadn’t really connected all that much during my office visits but in that instant, I couldn’t believe how connected I felt to her. That moment….it needed no words.
The reactions we experienced from everyone during his birth announcement, holding their bated breath for the “it’s a boy/it’s a girl” announcement, was a great one. We truly felt the joy and excitement that we were surrounded with was very much truly authentic.
Pregnancy #2 Gender….Unknown?
I felt such a strong desire to not know the gender in my first pregnancy. I enjoyed never having to deal with “gender disappointment” (yes there’s books written on how to deal with it). I loved falling in love with my baby in an instant.
But this time around…I don’t feel a burning desire to not know the way I did before. I don’t feel any pressure or extreme desire to have a house full of just boys AND I don’t feel a burning desire to have a “perfect” 1 boy-1 girl family. I just am so thrilled to have this baby after what we’ve been through. I can’t imagine being anything but thrilled with another boy or a sweet little girl. But honestly, I think less about concerns of this babies’ gender in regards to my feelings and more about how Colton will handle the new baby.
How he’ll love and play with his brother like boys do or be sweet and protective of his sister. And I think about preparing him for his little sister/brother and would he be better prepared if he could identify more? If the baby had a set name and not just “the baby”.
So this time I’m torn.
I’m torn because I truly could not imagine being disappointed. I’m torn because I have a lot of the “need” baby stuff between Colton and some amazing bestie mama friends I have. I’m torn because it would be cute to have the sweet little newborn blanket with flowers or blue stripes. I’m torn because gender reveals can be exciting events these days and everyone can be there to celebrate. I’m torn because I think it might help my little boy transition to big brother better if we can tell him more about this expected intruder.
I’m torn because what if it is another boy and all those people who said or thought, “I hope it’s a girl” ask if you’re disappointed. And then you start thinking, well am I disappointed? And then your hormonal pregnancy brain starts torturing you and makes you think too much and then your worst fear–feeling gender disappointment–comes to light. I try to remind myself, do I really care what others say? Am I going to let them affect my joy? I hope not, but pregnancy emotions are a fickle thing. And I know how much I enjoyed not knowing soooooo much last time. And so, still, I am torn.
I loved loved loved not knowing with my first pregnancy so I know I could do it again. I just don’t feel like I have the same passion to do it as before, but my husband really would like a surprise on this pregnancy again.
And I want to clarify–not having the same passion about it doesn’t mean that part of me does not want to find out. Because in reality part of me still strongly believes in not finding out. Remembering the anticipation. The joy in the room when your baby is born and you get to hear that “it’s a ____!” shout. I loved the screaming and jumping I heard down the hall at 3 am in the hospital and the overwhelming showering of intense love and excitement we felt as we announced our double whammy of joy — our baby is here and it’s a _______!
Our next ultrasound is November 17th.
So now that I’ve exposed these thoughts and experiences to you, and you know where I’m coming from, I’m curious as to what you think. What is the vote of an unbiased opinion? Not saying we’re going to go with the majority here but given all I have shared…
Would You Find Out?
Take the poll below to let us know!